I just got back from Revive, a Thursday night worship service at The University of Findlay, and I had such an intense experience that I just have to write about it. I didn't really want to use this blog for personal reasons, but tonight's experience relates to my future as an educator, so I believe it belongs here.
As the people close to me know, I have had struggles with my faith in the past. I grew up in a United Methodist church, but I strayed away from it during high school and lost God and all religion during a five year span of my life. I experienced with a variety of different religions, but I felt like something was missing. Two years ago, I went on my first mission work trip with Habitat for Humanity to Bay St. Louis, Mississippi, and during that week I was so overcome with His glory due to our crew leader Bryan's devotional that I accepted Him back into my life. It's been a long run since then, but I've been trying my best to grow closer to him. I joined a wonderful church in Findlay, I started diving deeper into the Bible, and I decided to live my life for Him in every aspect. Many who knew me in high school and the early years of college found this to be a drastic change, but I had finally become part of the fellowship of the unashamed, and I wasn't afraid to admit that I was finally, once again, a Christian. Things have gone better in my life since that mission trip, but I know I have so much more to do in my journey with Christ. Tonight was another chapter in that story.
Even though I have grown a lot stronger in my faith, I'm not ashamed to admit that I should be doing a lot more. I've joined a great church within such a loving community, but there are times--naturally in my busy life--that my mind drifts off during sermons and other aspects of my longing to know more about Christ. I know this isn't right, but I'm only human--it happens to the best of us. Things changed tonight though. In the middle of the music worship Pastor Matt stopped the music team and allowed us time to distance ourselves from our friends in order to sit and chat with God. He opened up our eyes to the fact that we were singing the words of the songs, but did we really mean what we were singing? Were we literally or spiritually falling on our knees for Jesus? Were we ready to wholeheartedly grow deeper with Him tonight?
I've been struggling a lot with a variety of situations in life in which I won't go into, but one of those areas is my future. Even though I have a degree in education, I've still been trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I knew that I wanted to do something meaningful in which I could make an impact in the lives of others, but even this summer I was looking at ideas all over the career spectrum, at times branching away from education altogether. I just recently started graduate school to earn a master of education degree in reading because it felt right, but I went in blind not knowing if it was truly where I was supposed to be, where I was called to be.
Tonight I was reassured that I am truly following my calling, that of teaching others to read. I swear that God was there with me and He touched me with His presence tonight. I know that may sound crazy, and I've never experienced this before so it sounds crazy to me as well. However, I opened my heart to Him and laid everything on the line. I asked for guidance on where I was going and if it was right, and He showed me that I have been called to work in the area of reading, that my graduate degree was the perfect choice. I didn't get specifics on if I should be working in a school setting, with a non-profit, or even in another country, but I'm sure that will come in due time. I just know that I was made to help children develop the wonderful and amazing power of reading, and I will now do this through Him.
After experiencing this moment, I was overcome with emotion. I'm a very sentimental guy; I have cried during about every chic flick I've ever watched, but tonight was a different kind of crying. I sat there in the auditorium just weeping after receiving my call. I couldn't believe God was actually putting me in these shoes in which I would be able to help thousands of children develop this ability that will help open doors to adventure, doors to knowledge, doors to Him. I kept asking God, "Are you sure about this? You really want me to do this?" And He reassured me after every question that I was truly being called to make a difference. I feel blessed and honored that I'm heading in a direction that not only I want to travel in, but that he wants me to go towards as well. I can't wait to start fulfilling this dream, but until then I will continue to grow deeper with Him, to give myself over to Him, and to allow Him to use me and place me where He wants. It's been a long time coming, but I'm finally in his palm, and I'm so ready for the ride.
